Why me???
I have looked into the eyes of Sheer Terror.
I know now that Sheer Terror is a rather large Labrador named Magic. His lair is somewhere in Umali Subdivision in Los Baños. I was hanging out with Gani and Bom at Bom’s uncle’s house. (So many apostrophes.) The two had gone out to the garage for some manly conversation, perhaps discussing the finer points of Monty Python and the Holy Grail (”Pshaw! It’s just a flesh wound!”). On the otherhand, I had opted to lag behind, since I was still struggling to put on my left boot.
By the time I caught up with them, there he was. The gigantic, friendly, slobbery Labrador otherwise known as Magic. Who is a normally friendly dog. Unfortunately, he had been cooped up for the past few days without being walked, and was therefore as perky as a hundred caffeinated, extremely hormonal jackrabbits. This was no dog. This was the Furry Juggernaut of Doom.
And Bom had just let him out of his cage.
Magic, otherwise known as The Furry Juggernaut of Doom (The FJD), was snuffling around Gani’s feet, when I shuffled towards them. The FJD looked up at the hapless newcomer (me) and ambled over to smell my shoes.
And then he struck. The FJD leaped at me, and gave me a great big, enthusiastic, doggy hug, nearly bowling me over. I didn’t see it coming. Next thing I knew this massive, snuffling, slobbery furry thing had me in a headlock. My left boot came off.
Bom and Gani stared dumbly, perhaps frozen in surpise. I imagine they were both thinking: “Hey. A seventy-pound labrador is attacking Lynette,” (Yeah, yeah, so maybe it was kind of funny) before realizing I actually needed help.
They managed to help me get away from FJD’s doggy headlock, but before I could scurry to safety, FJD was at it again. This time, it was my leg he went after. He was attempting to hit on my leg. And since my leg didn’t exactly respond favorably to his amorous advances, he went at it anyway.
One of the most embarrasing things that could ever happen to a girl is to have a dog boink her leg while she’s in the company of two guys. Two guys she happens to respect. A LOT. So much for poise.
Eventually, we managed to get the dog off my leg. Bom escorted a very dishevelled Lynette indoors, and Gani retrieved my missing boot. And they returned a frustrated Magic back to his cage.
Now that I think about it, it was kind of funny actually.
